Thursday, June 30, 2011

Open Heart Surgery, Dolphin Style

There is not much I fear in this life. I am a super independent woman living in the remote rainforest, leaping tall vines in a single bound. I am Super Shifter, able to shift so called contrast faster than a speeding locomotive.

But needles? Doctors? Hospitals? Medicine? FEAR!!!!

For this reason, I avoided way too long getting my wisdom teeth pulled. I endured the rush of pain any time I took a cold drink and learned to chew on one side of my mouth to not disturb a very loose tooth. I was more willing to endure pain and inconvenience than go to the dentist and face my fear. The fear of feeling fear and more pain was stronger than the actual pain.

However, the actual pain was growing, even room temperature water now bothered me and I received a vision from the dolphins of diving down with them on my upcoming trip to Bimini and feeling great pain from the pressure. I decided to bite the bullet so to speak and go to the dentist. For the dolphins. For me. I mean, c’mon already; I am Sierra the Super Shifter! I can do this. I can shift my thoughts and this won’t be so bad. Maybe even okay. I made an appointment for two days before my flight to Florida.

I flew into San Jose from Drake Bay and went straight to the dentist. My knees were weak already and I kept taking big breaths. I held on tightly to my Zero Point Energy pendant as they took x-rays. I closed my eyes and turned up my 528 frequency music as they prepped me for the dentist to come in, trying to hold back the dread and fear tears that were wanting to come. Then I felt this woosh of dolphin energy and I thought “Yay, the dolphins are here to help me get through this.” And then I realized that the dentist had just walked into the room and that it was him! I got a dolphin for a dentist!! Thank you, Universe.

I immediately relaxed. He as not only pure dolphin energy, he was HOT. He looked deeply into my eyes… he whispered to me of how it makes him feel to swim with the dolphins… the joy, the ecstasy, the freedom… oh ya baby…yes, yes, yes… he gently told me to open wide… and then he stuck it in, slowly, maybe unsure at first but then harder, faster, with confidence…. yup, he stuck that first big needle into the upper palette of my mouth. Gulp.  I seriously don’t think it was as good for me as it was for him.

It’s funny, but it’s not even the actual pain, which stung but wasn’t excruciating, it’s the “idea” of it. The “idea” of needles makes me shutter. And shuttering I was, dolphin doctor or not and the tears started to flow… drip, drip, drip, a steady stream down my face.

Poor guy, he felt so bad, and the thing is, the Novocain was in effect, I wasn’t feeling pain, but, but, but... well, you know, this whole “story” I’ve made up in my mind about doctors and medical procedures and needles.  I was in a total “dental breakdown”, right in front of the hot dolphin doctor. But I didn’t care.

I had to learn to shift my thoughts here too, the last frontier of fear.

The oral violation act was finally over and Dr. Dolphin tells me he wants me to take antibiotics for three days because I am going out of the country and I resist that too but he insists. I concede and agree to take them, still a bit miffed that . It’s only three days.

But by now, I’ve done a lot of resisting. I resisted going in the first place, I resisted the procedure with shaking and tears and now I was resisting taking antibiotics but doing it anyway.

Tsk, Tsk, Tsssssk. Law of Duh 101. That’s the worst thing you can do.

You can take the antibiotics and say, “These pills are doing exactly what my body needs them to do in perfect balance and harmony and my body easily and peacefully accepts this medicine,” and take them without resistance.

But my vibration was more like “I hate medicine, these are going to kill all my good bacteria too, this is why I don’t go to doctors, etc. etc. etc., bla bla bla, I don’t like this at all but I’m going to do it anyway.” 

Baaaaaad vibration! Mixed Vibration! Split Vibration!

Either take them with joy, or don’t take them with joy… but don’t take them with resistance or not take them and wish you did!! Duh, Sierra. Basic Law of Duh. DO NOT RESIST!! But resist I did. Big time.

I wasn’t leaving for Florida for two days and was invited to stay at a most interesting place in the outskirts of San Jose. After coming in through the metal sliding gates, I was given a tour of the large house decorated in Nouveau Age (a decorating term I made up for that “one altar too many” look) and was told the man of the house was not feeling well for a few days now and they needed to be “clearing the energies.” I could see why. Something about the energy here had me on the edge. It was a strange vibe of the “appearance” and “effort” to  be love and light with underlying tones of low vibrations… like someone had sprayed perfume in order to try to cover the smell of a deadly fart. :))

I asked how I could open the gate to get out to the street and was told with a big crooked toothed smile, “You won’t need to leave, just walk around the property.” Rocky Horror Picture Show’s Time Warp starts playing in my head and wonder how did I miss that they have an uncanny resemblance to an older Riff Raff and Magenta?? Damnit Janet!!

I go into my room, close the door, put on high vibing music and talk to high vibing friends. I have NO PAIN from the tooth extraction. My fears were all for nothing. YOU CAN’T TOUCH ME!!

On the second day I am told they are not feeling well due to the “outside energies” and am I okay, do I feel that, am I okay???? And I say that I am feeling pretty darn good, in fact better than I would have thought due to the dental work… and I go to my room and pack my bag as my thoughts are now about clearing my butt out of there during their fourth “clearing of the energies” session since I arrived.  As I hear the “I am that I am, I am that I am, I am that I am” chanting coming from the other room once again, I write and post this Facebook status:

If you are standing strong in your high vibration and heart space, no outside influences and energies can affect you and come into your "space." Don't look outside yourself if you are not feeling good. Don't blame others or the "energies" around you. It is only from within, and the vibration that we put out that determines how we feel. In other words, YA CAN'T TOUCH THIS!!! ♥♥

I giggled as I knew they read my Facebook page and joked with my friend Steph over skype that maybe I should lock my door. But a funny thing happened. They both “liked” my status and even commented on it and when I finally braved leaving my room, the energy was totally different, everyone magically felt better and the vibe was much higher. So I stayed.

The next morning their property caretaker drove me to the airport. In the car I started to feel this pressure in my chest and I broke out into a sweat. I felt dizzy. I thought, “OMG they’ve poisoned me because of my Facebook status,” LOL… but wait, seriously, this isn’t going away. Was I being taken to Dr. Frank-N-Furter? Wait, that’s silly, Sierra. You are not playing out Rocky Horror Picture Show. What is going on here???

Maybe my grand plan of Happy, Healthy, Hot, Happy, Healthy Dead is playing out. I have never seen myself getting old. I always kinda planned to come in strong, shine my light as bright as possible and then exit stage left while I still feel great and look good doing it.

But I gave up that plan when my brother died eight years ago and I knew I couldn’t do that to my parents. Not both of us. But maybe I changed my mind too late.

Maybe my years of smoking and yo yo dieting had caught up with me. I thought I had avoided heart and lung damage because of my beliefs and high vibration, but maybe that was a bunch of crap and I was about to pay the price.

We got to the airport and I stepped out of the car. The fresh air helped, I weakly smiled to the driver and went inside. Standing in the ticketing line I felt like I was in the twilight zone. My vision was tunnel-y and strange; I was dizzy, weak, shaky. I called my mom. I knew what I was starting by calling her, she worries for nothing let alone for something like this, but I needed her. I didn’t want to have a heart attack right there in the middle of strangers. I didn’t know what was happening, but I knew that I felt VERY strange and that something was very off.

I got through ticketing and walked in slow motion through security and to the gate. I had to seriously consider going to a hospital and missing my flight. What was the right thing to do? The dolphins won out and I decided to take my chances and at least get to Florida. I was scared and all the fears came up of having a heart attack on the plane and them having to land somewhere… but between Costa Rica and Florida there is mostly just ocean. I had to do it. I prayed. This was VERY new to me. I can overcome any adversity and shift my thoughts, but being fearful for my own life, having my body acting in this way, fearing having a heart attack among strangers was out of my realm of experience. It brought me to my knees. I started talking to my angels, to my Grandmother, to God.

The flight went by quickly and I was feeling a bit better. I got my rental car and drove to Boca Raton and to my friend Christopher. She was very concerned and gave me capsicum liquid concentrate which is great for the heart. It felt good to be with my beautiful sister and our animal family.

I was feeling better and more relaxed now that I was in the United States and with friends. Everything was good and the symptoms seemed to have subsided until about 10 at night when the dizziness and weird feeling came again and I had to go outside and breathe. I decided the best thing to do was to go to sleep and see how I felt in the morning. This was not good. Why was it coming and going? The not knowing what was going on was probably the most frightening of all. But knowing might mean going to the doctor and God forbid, the “H” word (hospital).

The next morning I felt much better. I went and ran some errands and decided to get a hotel room close to the airport so that when I picked up Stephanie from the airport I didn’t have to drive all the way back to Boca Raton. Steph came in, we went shopping to get the food for the Bimini trip and I was feeling like whatever it was had passed. I had gone the whole day feeling good.

But then the next morning it came back as we were getting ready to go to the airport for the short  flight to Bimini. The pressure in my chest, the dizziness, the weakness. I was really frightened now and not sure what to do. My head was telling me it was crazy to continue on to Bimini with potential heart problems, knowing there was only a clinic there… but my heart and soul couldn’t bear the thought of NOT going to the turquoise waters, seeing my dolphin family and hanging with my new human pod. I had been looking forward to this trip for soooo long. I didn’t want to let down the people who had signed up. I didn’t want to let down Stephanie who was my co-leader of the trip and had never been to Bimini and wouldn’t know what to do. And she had been through a house fire that week and if she could pull it together and come anyway, I could too.

I was completely torn. I was still very scared because there were signs it was not over. Heart racing, dizziness, weakness, left arm hurting. My body screamed to stay back, my mind said NO WAY should I go on this trip in this condition but my heart and soul and the dolphins won out again. Having Stephanie there helped. She assured me that she would take care of me and that we were in this together. I also knew that my human pod would take care of me. Yup. I was going on to Bimini, heart fluttering and all.

I felt so bad and embarrassed that Stephanie had to carry my backpack as I didn’t have the strength to do it. Sickness has always been a sign of weakness to me and I remember that as a young kid I would hide under the table when I was sick because I didn’t want anyone to see me. I felt so defeated, so dependent. I really like to take care of myself being the super independent jungle woman and all.

I could see that my lessons were already starting. I was facing letting go of having to do it all myself and allowing others to help me. No one goes to Bimini and with the dolphins and comes out the same. I had been feeling the intense change in the air for weeks. I knew this trip was going to be very BIG. The energy there calls us to shift in big ways and I knew that going in, but I had no idea how it would unfold. I certainly was not expecting heart problems!!

In the Ft. Lauderdale airport while waiting for our flight to Bimini, my heart started pounding again, I got really cold and again questioned my decision to go on to Bimini… but the dolphins and that turquoise water won out. Surely I would be okay. I was among friends and Source always takes care of me, everything works out perfectly and I don’t have to worry about the details. Even if that means the plan is to die out there with the dolphins.

I had to start really looking at my view of death and where I stand and where my fears lie. What was I afraid of? I am not afraid to die. I KNOW we don’t really die and I can feel the bliss and love and the coming home and release of resistance that comes with dying. But I knew I didn’t want to die alone or among strangers, I didn’t’ want pain and suffering and doctors and hospitals and I didn’t want to die before my parents and put them through losing their second child. In other words, I didn’t want to die right here, right now, like this.

And I was getting increasingly frustrated with myself in my inability to shift when the chest pressure would come on. I knew I had to control my thoughts, but because of the fear of having a heart attack and the not knowing and all the other fears that were creeping in, I found myself in another unknown territory… unable to shift my focus in 10 minutes or less. And the more I got frustrated with myself and fought the fear, the more I couldn’t shift and was fearful. I was in a state of resisting the fear which brought more fear. Where was Sierra the super shifter? I couldn’t find her, that frustrated and confused me and that started the whole fearful cycle all over again. I felt like I was standing in quicksand.

We met a couple of the people from our trip at the airport and I could feel the bond between us lock into place. I could feel the bigger picture start to form, the totally intertwined perfection of everything that was about to happen. I could see and feel glimpses of it, but the actual unfolding lay before us. I just knew it was BIG for all concerned.

We got to the island, met the rest of the group and I was feeling pretty good but there was always this background of fear going on, either a loud buzz or a faint distant one, but always there.  I was definitely not my Super Sierra self and I knew that it showed, at least to me, which made it worse.  We had to tell the group what was going on and I just wanted to shrink into a corner. It was so hard for me to admit that something was wrong health wise, me who always hid under the table when sick as a child, embarrassed to show a sign of weakness and humanness. As much as I wanted to hide under the table, there was nowhere to go but into surrender and trust. I had to trust my human pod. I had to surrender to my non physical pod.

I so wanted to be in full high vibration for this group. I so wanted to lead this dolphin trip as I have so many others, from a place of power and connection so that I could be there for the others when they went through the things that often come up on these trips. Never ever did I imagine that I would be the one who needed the emotional and physical support and a part of me felt as if I had failed them.

This is so unlike me, but I was definitely not myself and more and more I was losing access to my usual thoughts, my direct connection to infinite intelligence that would have told me that everyone is getting exactly what they need, that I can relax and trust that all is in perfect divine order. Further down into the quicksand I go. I felt shaky and unsure.

We got out on the water in the afternoon and as I shared with AJ, our only male on the trip, about the sparkling lights I see in the direction the dolphins are, he saw them too. And there they were, just where the sparkly lights said they were. We had a joyful dolphin jump and jump for us and we also met Tilly, a dolphin who had lost most of his dorsal fin, probably from a shark. I felt all of us feel sympathy for Tilly and he didn’t stay around for long. We had a beautiful day out on the water and returned to Beautiful Bimini as the sun set into the blue turquoise waters.

I mostly feel good for the rest of the evening except the pressure started to come on near the end of dinner but not bad. I breathed through it and it eventually subsided.

The next morning we had a group session scheduled and after Steph led us into a relaxed state, I received and shared a message for the group from Tilly, the dolphin with the missing dorsal fin from the day before.

Tilly spoke to us about how he does not see his body as broken, only whole and how we need to do the same. Tilly emphasized to us how we are already whole there is nothing we have to seek or do. We all felt the dolphins swirling around us and off we went to see them in the physical.

We soon came upon dolphins and even though our captain said that he didn’t think they’d swim with us, I told him to let me into the water.  Another pod mate and I got into the water and the dolphins stopped feeding and came right over. It was such an amazing and intense connection, eye to eye, belly to belly, twirling and spiraling. And then I felt it. One of the dolphins sonared me from behind, right through my back to my lungs, heart and chest and I felt the buzz as they opened up, open heart surgery dolphin style. Wowzers.

The rest of our human pod got into the water, and the dolphins did their thing, weaving between everyone, giving each and every person their special brand of love and light.

One of my greatest joys is seeing the transformation in people after they have swam with the dolphins. The joy and light in their faces, the vibration that they are emitting; it is a special gift to experience and I was basking in that, especially after my dolphin heart surgery. I was buzzzzzzzing and so were most of our human pod. THAT’s what it’s all about.  There is nothing like a dolphin JOY BUZZ!!

Our human pod was excited and we had a high energy dinner. I was feeling good and thought the heart ordeal was over. But right before going to bed, it came on again, and strong. I had pressure in my chest, my vision was blurry, I was weak and shaky. Everyone had gone to bed except Steph and when she saw me she knew I was in trouble and asked if I wanted her to go and get Sharmini who is a Reiki practitioner.

I knew I had to let my embarrassment and fear of “bothering” others go because I needed help. See, I hate to inconvenience people. I hate to make them go out of their way or stay up or do things they wouldn’t have had had to do for me. I felt embarrassed because these are people who looked up to me and came because of who I am at my best, or at least who they perceived me to be.  And I really had to let go of that and surrender.

And I knew Sharmini had stayed up late the night before and was tired. But the fear took me beyond my embarrassment now and I said, “Yes, go get her.”

I was powerless and I hated it. I did not have access to my magic. I can change weather patterns, create blue lightening and earthquakes, manifest all kinds of things out of nowhere, I know who is calling, I know who is gonna post, I know just what to say but I had access to none of that while in fear for my life… and that scared and frustrated me even more. Where was I???

The three of us sat on my bed and held hands and talked about my fears, my fear of getting old, my fear of not looking hot anymore, my fear of losing control, my fear of not fulfilling my responsibility to the group, my fear of letting go and letting others help me, my fear of what I’ve done to my body, my fear of doctors, hospitals, needles, my fear to ask for help, fear of being vulnerable, etc. etc. etc. They were ALL coming up for me. Open heart surgery, remember? They spoke to me of how it is okay to be vulnerable, it’s okay to ask for help, to let go. I felt loved and supported and I agreed to do that. I said, “I am in trouble here, I need help, I am scared, I need to go to a doctor, I physically cannot take care of the group right now, I surrender, help me.”

Whew. That was a big one… a really really big one for me. I have never been so frightened in my life. I was not only physically not well, but I had just given up all control of the situation and had become more vulnerable than I ever had been… ever.

Sierra Raw and Unplugged.

But now that I had given in and become completely vulnerable, I got to face more fears and that was what happens if people don’t meet my expectations when I make myself completely vulnerable. What if I put myself out there in a vulnerable position and people don’t respond how I would respond? What if their idea of what should happen is different than mine?  How many conditions will I put on being vulnerable, like “I’ll only be vulnerable if….?”  How much power do I give away to others by making my success at being vulnerable depend on how they act and respond? Yikes.

Oh yes. Just fricken bring it on, Universe.  Bring it all up, have we missed anything?  Any more fears to deal with??
Oh Sierra. You know better than that. It had only just begun!!

I called my theta healing, matrix energetics friend Kevin and told him what was going on. “HELP ME,” I said.  He said, “Well, you know there is a perfectly healthy you in another dimension.”

I think my exact words were “Well, F@*%’n Beam Me UP, Scotty.”

See, I had no access to thoughts like that, healthy me’s in parallel universes. And it’s something I might have said to someone in the same situation too standing in the Sierra of Power. But I was not in a place of being able get to the other healthy me’s as I was stuck in the fear of the present me which felt like her heart was about to explode.

I was sinking deeper and deeper into the quicksand and what I needed was for someone to give me a hand and at least help me get one foot on solid ground and THEN I could access the other things like parallel universes and healing thoughts. I could not compute “Sierra be the light that you are, embrace your divine self, let go of the fear, ” when I felt like I was dying and was in fear. I needed to physically feel safe.

Everyone wanted me to shift and be the me they know I am, and I know exactly from there they stood, and that is in love for me and wanting me to be okay, but I needed to acknowledge the fear and where I presently was first. I needed everyone to stop expecting and trying to push Sierra the Super Shifter and let me be Sierra the scared and fearful one going through some big shit. I needed to face the fear, not run and try to super shift from it and I needed to feel safe and protected and supported while doing it. I needed to feel safe to be afraid to shift from being afraid if that makes any sense. It does to me now.  I couldn’t shift and find the thoughts I needed to find until I didn’t feel like I was sinking anymore.

And now I knew I needed to get to the clinic/hospital/doctor and that made me sink even further into fear. Then someone reached out an understanding hand that pulled me out of the quicksand… and for that I am forever appreciative.

I finally got to the small clinic on Bimini with two of my podmates with me and I felt relief when my blood pressure and EKG tests came back okay. The doctor told me I was not in imminent danger of a heart attack which was of course great news and I relaxed. He said that it very well could be a reaction to the antibiotics I took, which of course wouldn’t surprise me since I took them with such resistance. He told me to go to a doctor as soon as I got to the States and while I was relieved, there was still the unknown of why I was feeling like I did. I was still weak and shaky and the pressure was still there, but when the symptoms came on, I was no able to control them better as I didn’t have the immediate fear that I was about to die of a heart attack which added panic to the whole soup of fear. BIG DIFFERENCE.

I had leverage. I had some solid ground to stand on. And this has given me the most amazing shift and understanding about the real authentic human experience that has changed me forever and how I will help others.

I remember a few years back many rainforest animals began to die and no one knew what was going on. Monkeys were dying, we saw lots of sick, dying and dead toucans, a sloth died on my doorstep and I sank into a two day depression. Before that I had no sympathy for anyone who was depressed because I couldn’t understand how you just don’t change your thoughts. Like Duh!! But for two days, I could not find better feeling thoughts and I felt so tired and well, depressed! I finally was able to snap myself out of it, but I came away with a new compassion and understanding for others who have symptoms of depression. 

That’s what had happened now. I thought of times when I have not had an understanding of why people can’t move from their present state of unhealthy thinking and fear and have spewed my spiritual stuff at them and couldn’t understand why they couldn’t hear me. I was speaking the truth, after all!!! What I needed to do was to throw a rope, hold out a hand and get them to a level, stable ground from which they can shift and then hear me. Mind you, that does NOT mean to enable destructive behavior or buy into the fear. It means to help with the immediate physical needs, get done what physically needs to get done, to acknowledge and have compassion for the fear and for where they are, and that can get someone to a place of choice and power again. It means to be a Stabilizer as well as an Uplifter when needed and necessary. A grounding, stabilizing force.

I thought about a thread that was on the the Abe Forum a few years back and someone asked if you came upon a drowning girl, would you save her? I was surprised to see how many said, “I would not save her, she made her vibrational bed and now she has to lie in it.” I never want to use the Law of Attraction or some spiritual belief systems to lose my compassion for where people are and withhold my physical ability to reach out and help someone in need. I am a compassionate human being and we’re all in this together.

I went for a walk to the beach and felt the dolphins come in around me. I heard this:

“ All the "spiritual" jargon and talk doesn't really mean anything if you don't mean what you say, don't do what you say and especially if you use your spiritual lingo as a way to not treat people with kindness and compassion... It's really about how you treat yourself and how you treat others... and the rest is just a bunch of bla bla bla!!! This is about the human experience and how you show up for each other and who you are to each other. This is not about going on your solo spiritual journey; this is about community and needing one another and helping one another. Like a dolphin pod. It is okay to ask for help, it’s okay to need others, just let go of how it should be, what surrendering and being vulnerable should be. If the one you thought would show up doesn’t, someone else will. Let go. Trust. Let everyone off the hook, especially yourself.  You don’t have to be everything; you are supposed to need others, to operate in a flowing pod of love.”

Man, those dolphins always know just what to say. We had the most amazing people on our trip, the perfect pod, everyone played their role perfectly and I realized that part of what happened was that I needed to sit back and get my lessons so that others could shine and be the light of the party. Every single person got what they signed up for and more. I didn’t have to be running the show, it was the dolphins the whole time anyway. It was so amazingly divinely orchestrated I can only smile when I think about it now. There was such amazing growth on this trip for all and none of us will ever forget it. The tears, the laughter, the joy, the anger, the freedom, the letting go, the bonding, the realizations… all invaluable for us all. We will never be the same. I love you, my dolphin/human pod.

But I still had to go to California and get to a doctor. While much better, I was still feeling mighty strange and weak and shaky and I had to follow through on this. During the whole week my mom was so worried, and I felt so bad but I had never needed her and my dad more. We had made arrangements for me to fly to California instead of going home to Costa Rica.

I had avoided the Body Scanner machine at the airport with the blink of an eye and was feeling my power coming back.  In fact I was feeling very giddy. That is until I got into Houston and carrying my computer around in my backpack made the dizzy weak heart pounding feelings come back on and then of course the fear… less fear, but still fear of the unknown. What was going on with my body?

I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to see my parents. That is until my mom told me she was taking me to the emergency room. The reality sunk in. This was not over, I needed some answers and it involved doctors, hospitals and Western medicine because my parents were now in control. And I really wanted to know one way or the other.

The next morning we went to the emergency room. I found out that the way to be seen immediately without even finishing the paperwork is to say the magic words “chest pressure.” Boy, did they move fast, got me into a gown, taking blood, blood pressure and an immediate EKG. The EKG and blood pressure again were fine, it would be an hour and half for the blood work. I was hooked up to a heart monitor and there I was, realizing my biggest fear. Hospitals, doctors, needles and the worst of all, that damn IV in my arm ready for whenever they needed to pump me up with something.  The tears flowed.

Again, it was like the twilight zone. This is someplace I have always avoided, feared. I wont even watch television shows or movies based in hospitals and I couldn’t believe this was my life and that it was happening to me right now.

The doctor comes in and tells me all blood work is fine and they need to take two more blood tests and if they are fine, they want to do a stress test to check my heart. This meant I needed to be admitted to the hospital and stay overnight for observation and the tests.

Say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat????? Overnight in the hospital? Me???? IV in my arm??? ARE YOU FRICKEN KIDDING ME??????? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, Mommmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyy!!!!

NOW it was my worst fear. My worst nightmare come true. Overnight in a hospital. This couldn’t be happening. But it was. I knew I had to shift right now or I was a gonner. Whether I had heart problems or not, the fear was gonna kill me if I didn’t get things under control.

Deep breaths. I am seeing the light. This is going to be okay. Even if something is wrong I will get treated. I have the best care. This isn’t the end of the world. Hey that doctor is pretty cute. Better to know. Maybe George Clooney will show up. Maybe someone needs me in here. This will make a great Facebook story. This is all happening for a higher reason. I am going to be okay. All is well.

Whew. I was back and came back while facing my very worst fear! There was nothing left now.

I got taken to a room, set up, hooked up and settled in. My parents were there but I eventually made them go home, I was actually feeling strong enough now, had the stability and power back enough to start looking at what got me here to face my worst fears.

I closed my eyes, tune in and hear dolphin laughter. “Very funny,” I say as they show me a whole movie in seconds with a thousand different sub plots and side stories and interweaving and intertwining involving everyone on the dolphin trip and their lessons, and my lessons. They are very proud of their heart surgery they have done on me and they excitedly show me the complexity and thousands of levels on which they have worked on me and on which I have shifted… but then I feel some seriousness coming on.

“Sierra, are you going to stay?”

“What do you mean?”

“Its okay if you want to go, we know the plan was Happy Healthy Hot and Dead and it’s a good one, one that we dolphins often practice. But we want you to know that this heart opening surgery gift we have given you was for the physical human work you still have to do. And you can choose either way. Your physical body is healthy and part of this was to let you know that, get the physical evidence you needed to know. And now that you know, what are you going to do?”

“Ok Ok Ok. I’ll stay. But no more doctors and hospitals and needles!”

Oh dolphin laughter. There is nothing like it.

They remind me of how I have asked for chakra openings. “Sierra, how many hours have you listened to your Chakra Kahn playlist?” (I have a playlist I made with Jonathan Goldman’s and Source Vibrations chakra opening music and had been listening a lot. I called the playlist CHAKRA Kahn ;)) )

“Haven’t you been asking for the next level? Haven’t you noticed that where you are feeling the pressure is in your chakra centers?”

Gulp. No, I was so worried that I was having a heart attack that I hadn’t noticed. But now  that I had my steady footing and connection back I did notice… well what do ya know?

I hear the dolphins laugh again. “What is so funny now?” I ask.

“They should have put you on a Heart Chakra Monitor and they would have found out what was going on with you!”

The next morning I get my third blood test, it checks out and I am wheeled over to the cardiac unit where I get to watch my heart on a monitor in live, living color, sound and all through some magical stick that they have. There it is. My heart. Beating strong. They determine I am healthy enough for the stress test, I run on the treadmill, get tested again. I feel great. All symptoms are gone.

I glance at the clock and it’s 9:45 am.

I am told my heart is extremely healthy. My blood pressure is perfect. My circulation is great. My lungs are fine and my oxygen intake is at 99%.

“REALLY?” I ask, quite surprised. I really thought I had done some damage to my body over the years but I am in perfect health. I have not been to a doctor for over 25 years. And I would not have gone if not for something like this and I had to admit, it felt really really good to know that I am running strong. I feel like I have been given a second chance.

I hear more dolphin laughter. I remember the last time I went to Bimini, six years ago, I experienced another painful manifestation that led to another major heart opening by the dolphins. I had slipped and fallen on the tile in my bathroom in Costa Rica. I almost took my eye out and ended up with a very big and bruised eye and side of my face. I knew that the Universe was calling me to make a shift, painful manifestations always are a call. I called Christopher and as divine orchestration would have it, she had a Bimini dolphin trip leaving in two days. I immediately left Costa Rica and got to Bimini.

During that trip, I had the most lucid dream I have ever had. It was daytime and I had gone to my cabin to rest because I could not keep my eyes open. In the dream I was in the water and a bottlenose dolphin swam by me and then stopped about 10 feet away. He then swam at me as fast as he could and hit me right in the heart with his beak. I went somersaulting back and knew that I had just received a major heart opening, dolphin style.

As I am spinning in my dream, I hear the call “dolphins” and as I got ready to get into the water, I said, “if that dream was real, I see that same dolphin right now.” I knew I would and I did. She swam right up to me and around me. I took photos and they still give me the chills when I see them.

Amazing heart openings came from that trip and the dolphins had done it to me again. Major heart openings stemming from painful manifestations that build up from my resistance to becoming MORE.

See, they will always call me to be all that I can be. They will call me to clean up the in-congruencies and mixed, split vibrations. They always call me to open up my heart and live authentically and from love. And they let me know when I am not, when I am stuck and when I cannot see it. And sometimes it hurts, but that is the only thing that will get my attention.

I experienced so much growth on so many levels. It’s funny how we learn the same lessons over and over from the new levels we reach. Like now that you are here, THIS is what Love is. And now that you are HERE, THIS is what love is.

One of the women on the Bimini trip shared with me how glad she was to find out that I was human. She shared that she was afraid to meet me because she thought I was this perfect person who always had it together and manifested all these magical things… and my vulnerability helped her to relate to me and feel comfortable around me.

I never felt as human as I did on this trip. Authentically human.  And I share this story now because I learned so much about community and needing each other. It’s okay to need each other! I need YOU!! I don’t want to walk in front of anyone, I want us to experience this authentic and beautiful human experience together, with love and compassion. Here in the physical. Non physical friends only go so far. We need each other’s physical authentic humanness.  Hearts wide open.

An interesting side note and this is just sooo dolphin like to play with me like this:

A few weeks ago, my friend Anhalira posted that she was going to Brazil again to meet John of God, the very famous healer (as seen on Oprah.) She asked if anyone had any prayer requests she would take them to him. I wrote sent her a message that said:

Good health for myself and my parents, unlimited abundance in all areas of my life, and for my soul mate and I to finally meet up in this lifetime... the sooner the better!!

A few hours after I was released from the hospital with a clean bill of health, she wrote to me that she had submitted my prayer request to John of God that day. I wrote back and asked at what time and she said 9:30 am California time. Just when all my symptoms disappeared. Go figure.

I am not sure where this is going and I don't need to know. What I do know is that I am not the same, I will never be the same and that community, and grounded, heart centered people are more important to me than ever.

I have faced all my worst fears and all that is left is Sierra Raw and Unplugged and Heart Wide Open.

I love you.