I SURRENDER

My time in Costa Rica has been quite the adventure so far… and I have grown and expanded so much already in the short time I have been here.  Here’s my story…

For over 12 years I told everyone that I would never leave Costa Rica and that I would never go back to the States. I just couldn’t see it. This was home, this was the REAL life, this is where I wanted to be and couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. Then, all in one week, actually in one day, I knew I had to leave. I felt a calling so strong to go back to the States for a while and I knew I had to trust it and in fact couldn’t ignore it. I couldn’t believe it myself, but once I made the decision, I couldn’t get out of here fast enough.  I packed my bags and figured I’d be gone two months or so. I was gone almost two years.

I came back to visit several times, but never felt that it was time to move back, nor did I want to. I entered into talks with a man who wanted to lease my property for a marine research center. It seemed like a great solution for now. I didn’t want to be here, but I didn’t want to sell either as I couldn’t imagine letting this property go, knowing some day I’d want to be here again. 

The man with the marine research center came in August and after a short time together, I knew it wouldn’t work out. On this trip I knew it was time for me to come back for a while and get things in order, including getting the electricity installed. As soon as I got back to the States, I gave notice at my place in San Diego, put my things in storage, brought my cat to my parents and fly back to Costa Rica.  I knew it was time to reconnect with the property, and people started popping up all over that wanted to be a part of the community and wellness center here. The Universe was speaking strongly and I could not ignore it.

The day before I was coming down to Drake Bay by taxi, there was a severe weather warning, a hurricane that would not be a direct hit (we never get hurricanes here, just the tail of the weather) but would mess things up pretty bad. Me and my sisters worked on that one and the day I came down, the hurricane took a turn and the drive and boat ride down was without any rain… it started to rain a half hour after we got all my stuff up the hill. Yay!

I felt in control… but not for long.

My property was a mess. The person I had taking care of the property, a friend whom I was paying, had not done anything to keep it up. I come to find out that he pretty much just stayed in his cabin all day and had developed a cocaine habit. GREAT.

I hired a few guys and we started to clean up the gardens which because they were so overgrown, so wild, so intertwined that really the only thing to do was to cut it all down. I told them to try to save some of the flowers, but they went through, a machete in each hand and in one day, the center of the property, where I had planted over 32 species of heliconias, had been cut to the ground. I cried… they laughed at me…

For a couple of days I used the garden being cut down as anger therapy. I was upset with the person I had been paying to keep up the property who had not done his job.  So every time I heard the crack of the machete cutting down another plant, I imagined it was hitting Dan upside the head. It really helped me release the anger, I ended up laughing and I am sure Dan had a headache for a day or two. That’ll show him!! Tee hee.

As I let my anger go, knowing somehow this was for the higher good, it had to be, I took a stroll around the now bare center of my property… and I felt this JOY coming from the garden.

“What are you so happy about?”  I asked, surprised at what I was receiving.

“Sierra, while we needed to be overgrown to protect the energy while you were gone and we now feel the JOY of release and rebirth! We were safe in our cocoon and it’s time to transform. You will see how fast the garden comes back, bigger and stronger than before. Do not cry for us… you KNOW that the rainforest is all about regeneration and rebirth… we feel open and freeeeeeeeeee! All is Well!!  And you know it.”

Yup, I knew that everything was happening for a reason even in my anger… but I had to let myself feel the anger so that I could move through it. Allowing ourselves to be human is a good thing… but what the garden told me gave me deep relief and the final release of my anger.

Okay, so the garden didn’t mind being cut down and in fact expressed Joy about it. Cool.  But I was concerned about the several species of hummingbirds that make my garden home.  I watched as they furiously flew through the previously dense garden, even looking on the ground for flowers… I connected with the hummingbird energy and I told them that I was going to keep part of the garden by the beach untouched and some other flowering bushes that they like until the rest had grown back with some flowers. I asked if that was enough, that I wanted to take care of them.

I opened my eyes and one of my favorite hummingbirds, the white tailed hummingbird with the super long tail, flew right up to me and then circled me three times. We were good. I felt relieved and happy and from that moment on released my pain at watching acres of flowers and plants being cut to the ground. I joined in the Joy and even started telling the boys to cut even more than I had planned. I am actually enjoying being able to see the ocean from the back of the property and you can see the beach much better from the cabins. It feels open and airy and good.

***

For the past 14 years we have run off a large 51k generator that could run a small city. Of course this meant hauling in diesel by boat, and the guys carrying it up the hill. About a year ago, my side of the bay got electricity but because I was not here, it never got turned on.  Once I knew I was coming back, I got everything all set up, the meter pole, ordered the transformer, etc. When I got here, the electricity was all set up and ready to go, the electricity company just had to come out and turn it on. They drive for two and a half hours into Drake Bay from Puerto Jimenez and then we bring them over across the bay by boat. In all, it is a six hour deal for them… and to come out for just one person… well, I could only use my manifesting powers to get them to come out quick.  Surprisingly, they called to say they would come out on the Tuesday after I arrived… but I woke up to pouring rain and knew they wouldn’t be coming. The next day they couldn’t come because of other obligations, and besides, it continued to pour rain.

“But but but… I thought I would set the record for the fastest service by the electric company in Costa Rica history!!”  I said to the Universe. “I even posted on my Facebook page that the electricity was coming in record speed? What’s the deal?”

I hear laughter. “Oh dear, Sierra. You KNOW the electricity will come at the exact perfect time, for your highest good. All is in divine order and timing.”

“But, but, but… I am a powerful creator…  Why can’t I make the rain stop? I’m great with weather!!! Why can’t I get these guys to come out here? What is the hold up? I thought I would create this very quickly!!!”

Silence.  Hmmmm.

***

In the meantime, I had left my boat out in that tail of the hurricane weather thinking they would come any day and not wanting to pull it out of the water. I kept checking in with my intuition… and my cards… I felt it was okay to leave it in the water and I got the “Protection” card that says You, your loved ones and your possessions are safe and protected.”  Cool!

I woke up Wednesday morning to find that in the very high and rough seas, my boat had flipped over and was now floating upside down in the water, the engine under water.  I pulled a card. I got the Protection card again. WTF Universe??? How was this protection??? Surely my Magical Mermaids and Dolphins cards were broken!! 

But then I got a knowing that said that the motor had not been completely fixed right and that if we had taken the boat out to see dolphins, or were coming through the river mouth or somewhere, something worse would have happened. 

I called my favorite psychic sister, Tracy, who did a reading for me. She confirmed what I had gotten, that there would have been an electrical fire or some other something that would have been much worse. I asked what was up with me “almost” getting electricity on Tuesday and that I got the message that it was okay to leave my boat in the water when it wasn’t. “Because if you knew the electricity company wasn’t coming, you would have taken your boat out of the water and it wouldn’t have sunk. It happened for the reason of safety that we spoke of, and even more than that, more than you can ever know.”   We talked about the grand unfolding of everything.  I was feeling better. I shifted quickly.

I KNEW there was a higher reason for this, even if I never got to know what it was. 

I made some phone calls and friends came with a shrimp boat and used the pulley to turn the boat over and we towed it into town and to the mechanic.  Luckily, the battery had disconnected when the boat tipped and so the computer and electronics were okay, and now my motor was getting a total clean out. Okay, Okay, Universe. I totally trust that this was for the highest good. I really do.

When I got my boat back, it was sounding and running better than ever. Of course, the engine had been totally cleaned out! And I didn’t even have to pay for it because my mechanic owes me money. But that’s another story for another time…

***

Another strange thing that happened was with my pendulum. I have a pendulum that is a pointed Lumerian crystal, the crystal of TRUTH. I like to play with it, asking different questions and brought it with me. But it was doing really weird things here. I would ask a question and it would pause, perfectly still for at least 30 seconds which it never does, it always goes right into the answer… and I could feel the sigh… “Sierra, are you going to ask that same question again???” 

I was like “What? Don’t question my questions, you are a pendulum, answer me!!”  And it would oblige… but then after my question was answered it would go into a swinging vortex circle that was so strong and so beyond my control that if I had let the chain go, it would have gone flying at least 50 feet. I was like WHOA, should I be digging for treasure under my cabin or what???  It was really wild, really, really powerful.  It did that every time.

One night, the chain which was attached to the crystal by a flat piece and super glue was gone. I looked for it but could not find it… and knew I’d find it in the morning.  I woke up and saw it on the floor across the room, somewhere I had not walked and had no idea how it got there… but then I got distracted and the next time I looked over, it was not there. I looked around for it again and saw it by the door and would pick it up in a few minutes… and when I looked again it was GONE AGAIN!! I looked all over for it, swept my whole room, looked outside on the deck, on the ground. It is just completely and totally GONE.

Of course, I could glue another string onto it, some how rig it up, but I think it is quite obvious that my pendulum wants a break from me asking the same questions over and over… I think it thinks it’s time I just GET IT!!  Hmmmmmm.

***

So the days went by and it either rained or the electricity people were busy. I kinda started to get used to it.  I’d send my computer with my neighbor who was working for me to charge at his house… two hours to charge gave me about an hour of use. Or I’d go to my other neighbors and sit there and work for a couple of hours so that I didn’t get too far behind.  I was surviving and trusting in the perfect timing of the electricity. I knew that there was something I needed to do, something needed to happen for the electricity to get here. 

At night, once the computer battery wore out, I would listen to my Ipod.  I have so much stuff on my Ipod that I’ve never even listened to, so it was great to catch up on some of them.  I’d fall asleep listening to a meditation.  I was so busy during the day in the garden and cleaning up that I really didn’t mind not being able to get online so much… it would have been a distraction anyway. 

When I would get impatient, I would just laugh at my human self because my higher self knew all was in diving timing and orchestration.  Through it all; the garden, the electricity, the boat flipping, I always had a good grasp on the broader perspective. I have become a master shifter, able to make big shifts in a single bound. I was proud of myself on how I was handling it all. First “Oh shit” then quickly “Oh! Shift!”  I was living it.

***

On the following Tuesday, a week after the first time the electric company was supposed to come out and twelve days after I had arrived, I sat at my neighbors and downloaded some mp3’s that my Align & Fly sisters had recorded. I was looking forward to listening to them that night; I was missing connecting with them on a daily basis.  I came home and plugged in my Ipod like I have hundreds of times and this time, without warning, my computer erased the entire contents of my Ipod. There would be no listening to the anticipated mp3’s that night.

I started to laugh, like what else could I do, and said “Okay, Universe, Okay property, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME????”

I KNEW there was a reason for this; I knew the property wanted me to hear a message.  I had a vision pop into my head of that scene from the Wizard of Oz when the wicked witch writes SURRENDER DOROTHY in the sky with her broom. SURRENDER SIERRA. But to what? I never have really liked that word “surrender” any way, it felt like “giving up and giving in” to me. But Surrender was the word of the day.

I took my camera and went down to the beach where the guys were cutting hibiscus plants.  “Hey look at that snake!”  said David. I turned and there was a beautiful green garden snake… a big one too, he was probably three feet at least from head to tip of his tail.  He was garden green on his body, but his head was more of a florescent green, with a black strip on each side of his head. I turned on my camera, took two blurry photos (me and my camera are having issues) and the batteries died. 

OK OK OK Universe, no Ipod, no camera. I get it, I get it. The snake turned to look directly at me, but not just look at me, he INTENSELY held his gaze. “What’s up, Mr. Snake?” I asked. “Come with me on a journey,”  he invited. “Ummm, dude, I have my worker guys right here, there is no way I can go on a shamanic journey with you right now, they already think I’m crazy!”

“I will wait,”  he answered and at that, turned back to the side but did not move his body.. 

It was almost time for my guys to get off work so I just made myself look busy and thought about the book I had just finished reading the night before, The Shamanic Way of the Bee. I have long had a thing going on with bees and now bees tie into my Align and Fly Girlz group in so many ways. Several of us are reading the book and it’s a fascinating story of along the lines of the Carlos Castaneda of bees. I wondered what Mr. Snake had in mind.

The guys left and I went back over to the snake. He immediately turned back to me with that intense stare. “Okay. There is something I want to show you. Plant your feet firmly in the ground and hold my gaze.”   I did as I was told. Everything else became very blurry except this tunnel vision between me and the snake. I knew the ocean was there, I knew the trees were there, but I could not see them, it was just this intense connection between me and the snake. As I held his gaze, it felt as if someone was simultaneously gently pushing me from behind and pulling me forward. My feet were planted on the ground, but the rest of my body was being pulled into the snake. I almost fell over and had to put my foot forward to stop myself. I planted my feet again and stared at the snake. He did it again… my body uncontrollably went forward towards him. He was snake charming me!!! He was pulling me into his energy field!!

I felt him also giving me a message but I was not getting it.

“Stop trying, Sierra, and just do it! Just hear me!”   We continued to stare at each other and nothing else existed in the world except me and the snake. And he continued to pull me forward.  “How can you have the power to move me like that?”  I asked. 

“You are not in control of everything, Sierra,”  he said matter of factly.

“Say what?”  I said.

“Some things are beyond your control,”  he answered. 

“If you say so, Mr. Snake.  By the way, what is your name?”

“Sir Vladmir,”  he responded.

“Seriously?”   I relate the name Vladmir to someone I am not fond of.

“Not THAT Vladmir!!!”  Snakes have a very regal and slow way of talking and it was funny to hear him say it like that. “Just remember, there are forces more powerful than you.”

“Okay, I’ll remember that.”   At that he turned his head once again to the side and I was dismissed.  I thanked him for a most trippy interaction.  So we had The Wizard of Oz and Alice and Wonderland themes going on… hmmmm… I am so not in Kansas anymore.

***

I came back to my room and called my sista, Bethie, and told her all that was going on. First my Ipod erased, then I met a snake and my camera died, then he took me on this shamanic crazy journey and the property has this message for me and everyone has a message for me and I am not getting it because I still don’t have electricity!!!! I asked her to connect with the Girlz on Skype and tell them what was going on and to ask what they think the message was.

Bethie also felt that the property wanted to know that I would still take the time to connect even after I had electricity. I thought about it and she was right.  I had to let the property know that I would not be lost to cyberspace once the electricity was on. I would still take the time to connect on a daily basis.

I walked through the gardens in a kind of walking meditation. I told the property that I promised that I would still stay connected no matter what. I was sending out powerful waves of love.

I heard, “Sierra, you are very powerful, but we are more powerful. There are forces at work much greater than you. Yes, you are good with the weather, and you can control certain aspects… but sometimes there are reasons that you do not understand, higher reasons, orchestration by divine intelligence why things don’t happen the way you think they should. If your electricity was turned on right away, you would not have connected so deeply and quickly again with property. You would have been preoccupied. We needed you during this time, we needed you completely present to the energy here. It was our re-bonding time.”

“You and your friends are powerful creators, there is no doubt. But you have to surrender to the fact that sometimes things will not go the way you planned… and they will go better if you trust and allow the unfolding without resistance.  Everything is always happening for your highest good and you can relax in that and trust it, or you can fight it all the way.  Easy or hard, it’s your choice.”

At first I felt a little miffed, like I had been demoted from my status as the powerful creator of my reality. But then I felt the wave of relief and joy. I don’t have to do this alone!! I don’t have to be the be all end all super creator. I get to CO-create with the super intelligent divine energy that creates worlds!! I get to decide what I want and not have to worry about the how and the when and all the details. Source will work it out and I just remember that it’s all happening perfectly. And I like that! I like that A LOT!!

We can say we are God and we are in the sense that we are a physical extension of that non physical energy. But we still have a foot in the physical (and volunteered to do it). We are the agents of Source, we are the leading edge creators who came to bounce around in the physical and expand thought to places it has not gone before, to feel and experience and create, but there is a force and a power higher and so much more intelligent that orchestrates the whole divine orchestration of perfection that is the highest outcome for all concerned. We, in our human state just can’t do that. We can access and tap into that knowledge and live from that place. We can follow the guidance from our higher self and make things easy for ourselves. We can be in the closest State possible and that is in Love and Appreciation… and there will always be a Force greater and stronger than us. And that lets us off the hook!!! 

I SURRENDER!!!!

Just when I thought I already knew all that, I had to learn it again, on a deeper level. I’ve come to realize that we really do keep learning the same lessons again and again, that is part of being human… but we keep getting it on new and deeper levels that bring us closer to our Source and Who We Really Are.

I felt the energy shift. I had gotten the lesson. Again. From a new, higher place and perspective. Let Go. Surrender. Allow. Trust. All is Well. Always. All Ways.

I walked up to the kitchen and opened the doors. A Morpho Butterfly was stuck inside. The Morpho Butterfly, to me, is the ultimate symbol of transformation… from a big brown caterpillar to a big, bright blue butterfly. I use it in my logo and on my website. I smiled at this confirmation from the Universe that my lesson had been learned. I LOVE LOVE LOVE how the Universe speaks to me through nature!!!

I freed the Morpho Butterfly and the transformation was complete. As I watched it fly away, I knew that I was not the same. I was MORE. I felt relief, release and intense love and joy.

If the Morpho Butterfly was not enough confirmation that I had gotten the message, not even five minutes later, as I was still walking back from the kitchen, the electric company called. They would be here at 7:30 the next morning!! Imagine that!!!

I called Bethie back and told her the message I had gotten and about the Morpho Butterfly and the electricity coming the next day. She told me all what the Girlz had said… and at the same time I was walking through the garden, they were writing the same messages on Skype that I was receiving from the property. What a blessing to be so deeply connected with my sisters!

For the first time since I had arrived, my neighbor didn’t return my charged computer to me. No Ipod, no computer. Just me and the jungle all night long. They wanted me all to themselves on this last night of no electricity and no internet, a night of deep connection before the big change.

As I fell asleep, I felt the jungle wrap me up in a cocoon, much like the one they showed me they had been in while I was gone.

There is no place like home.

I SURRENDER.